A Million Little Pieces

Hey, all, know it’s been a little while, but I’ve been busy settling into my new almost-unemployed lifestyle.

See, I technically have a job until Dec. 31. But since we finished up the last of our work last week, well, there ain’t much left to do other than finish cleaning out my desk and sign those old exit papers.

But, over this four-day extended weekend break I’m taking here, today is really the first Monday I’ve started without having to go to work—and it feels a little unsettling. Already the shiny newness of the job loss is starting to lose its luster, and despite what I say, I’m not a lazy person. So this whole unemployed thing is going to take some practice.

But over the weekend, and after several conversations, which ended up making me feel worse than better–i.e. the “What are you gonna do now?” talks–when really, other than sleeping, planning some travels in 2010 and updating my Netflix queue, here’s the answer to that one: I Have No Fucking Idea What I’m Gonna Do.

And, quite frankly, I know I’ll have this conversation over the holidays with my parents. My dad will be all like, “So, what are you going to do now?”

And I’ll be like, “Nothing. Jackshit. Travel. Think. Sleep.”

And he’ll be like, “Shit, you’ll be out on the street in two weeks.”

Or something along those lines.

The very idea that I must take immediate action to alleviate my current state is gnawing at my soul. After four-plus years of working my ass off to get somewhere in this achievement-driven town I am ready to call it over. God bless everyone who wants to help, but I ain’t ready yet.

Also, there’s this: I realized last night that my degree—earned just a paltry five years ago—is pretty much fucking useless. And that there are quite a few people in my class who gave up on it a long time ago.

“What are all the people who got laid off doing now?” I asked my friend last night about our former classmates he knows.

“Nothing. Most of those girls just got pregnant.”

Wow, mmm, so that’s totally not an option. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s one of the few things that would make my life worse at this point.

So, really, I’m looking for like a life-changer—I mean, like Lloyd Dobler says in “Say Anything,” “A dare-to-be-great situation.” Because, really, I’ve spent my entire adult life doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing to get ahead. Look where it got me. So, fuck it. I only want to do what I want to do from now on–and it may or may not include trips to the OTB to join that dude who makes $45K a year picking up discarded slips.

But it does not include going back to some shitty cubicle in corporate America.

One Reply to “A Million Little Pieces”

  1. Fom cubeland, I applaud your search for something better. That OTB thing sounds pretty good. Also, someone just told me they met a woman who makes upward of $300k owning a dog grooming salon. Here’s to that fancy Master’s!


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