2012: It’s the Final Countdown. Day three.

Sign Three the World Will End Dec. 21, 2012:

This is the most-watched YouTube video. Ever.

What is this shit?

Sign Three the World Will Not End Dec. 21, 2012:

When folks ask me if I miss NYC, I must admit, I do miss the random crazy a bit from time to time. You know, nothing life-threatening, but the crazy.

However, New Yorkers, fueled by overpriced real estate, a shitty job market, and people who TRY TO GET ON THE SUBWAY WHEN PEOPLE ARE STILL GETTING OFF, have a tendency to snap. And when they do, they do it big time. I especially loved hearing the spike in subway crime reports during the hellstormish, it’s-fucking-buttcrack-hot July and August, when folks have snapped so badly that assaults skyrocket. I especially loved the one July when not one, but multiple people in the subway attempted to assault others with variations of power tools. Good times, then.

That being said, the NYPD reported today that on Monday “no one was shot, stabbed or slashed,” according to this nifty article from the Wall St. Journal. That’s right, for one day everyone in NYC was somewhat human to one another. Of course, the fact that it was the day after a long holiday weekend — many annoying commuters were likely still on vacation or glued to their screens for Cyber Monday — probably kept some annoying asses off NYC transit. However, this is a monumental feat, one that even the police spokesman, Paul Browne, said that “he couldn’t remember the last time the city experienced 24 hours with no reported gun or knife violence.”

The murder rate in NYC is headed for an all-time low, too. 366 compared to 472 in 2011. Considering that my current hometown of Seattle — the land of passive-aggressive, over-educated white people — is barely clocking in at 22 projected murders this year, well, NYC you still look somewhat barbaric to people who fucking thank the busdriver EACH AND EVERY TIME they exit the bus, whether there are 20 other people doing it or not.

And so, New York, I have decided to become the Larry David of bus-exiting. Enough. Enough with all the “thank you’s” for common, stupid things. And when I refuse to thank the busdriver after the 12 people exiting before me do, I’ll think of you, NYC, and the big asshole you’ve helped me become.

Keep it classy, NYC!

 

One Reply to “2012: It’s the Final Countdown. Day three.”

  1. Please stop bothering me with these blog posts. I am busy reading an online article, “Take your chubby dog to the gym.”

    Just kidding. Sorry I was 30 minutes late when we were meeting in NYC. F-ing traffic.

    Reply

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